The Beginning of Loss
by FanfictionRevolution
Summary: As Damon begins to lose his mind, Elena begins to question hers. Written from 2x22.


The temperature of room was low yet Damon lay motionless, covered in sweat as his life began to radiate out of his body and into the surrounding atmosphere. He never heard me arrive and surely he wouldn't notice if I were to slip out again yet I felt drawn towards him as he lay there, looking more vulnerable than I'd ever seen him.

Suddenly his breathing sped up, one hand grasping his sheets while his other ripped at his chest as he gasped and heaved, tightening his already closed eyes. I rushed to his side, prying his fingers from the sheets before taking his shaking hand in mine. "It's ok Damon, I'm right here," I said watching as his eyes flew open in shock and worry.

"Elena, get out of here," he gasped, trying feebly to pull his hand out from mine. "I could hurt you."

"No you won't," I replied. "I'm here until the very end. I'm not leaving you." I knew he would fight me on the matter yet there was determination leaking into my voice, backing up my point.

He slowly opened his eyes, a look of acceptance in his eyes showing he knew that he was about to die, showing that he knew I wouldn't leave yet still he tried. He breathed in deeply, wincing slightly as he turned his head to look me in the eyes. "Get out of-" he whispered confidently before breaking off into a gasp as the pain started up in his heart once more.

I stood for a second, staring blankly at the man in front of me. A man who used to be so strong that he could take on any army, a man who hated so deeply yet loved so passionately lay in front of me as scared as you'd expect a child. He'd always explain how long his life had been and looking back, I knew that he never expected it to end so soon.

Suddenly, everything clicked into place and I rushed forward, gentley lifting his head so I could sit behind him, resting his head in my lap. "Hey, hey, hey..." I soothed quietly, stroking his hair back off his drenched forehead, feeling the temperature of his forehead as I repeated this action. He was burning up. It's how it'd been with Rose. It was near the end. He was dying and we both knew it yet neither wanted to believe. "It's ok..." I whispered, realising how wrong the lie felt as it passed my lips yet not allowing myself to stop whispering the mantra that had been passing through my mind. "It'll all be ok..."

"It's not ok," he replied, his eyes closed. "It's not ok. All those years I blamed Stefan and noone forced me to love her... It was my own choice." The pain of his past leaked into his voice as he spoke about his past mistakes.

"It's ok," I replied, pleading for him to stop, knowing that his acceptance was breaking down the walls I'd built up against Damon. The walls had pushed back my feelings for him, hidden them from sight so that I could carry on my relationship with Stefan even though I knew it wouldn't last. It wasn't what I wanted. Stefan wasn't who I wanted.

However, Damon ignored my silent plea and carried on, desperate to rid himself of the burdens of his past."I made the wrong choices... Tell Stefan that I'm sorry, ok?" He begged.

And it was with that I couldn't hold onto my lie anymore. He was dying. There was no evading the thought now as it had been brought to light in words. He was planning ahead for the inevitable; his death. Silently I nodded, a lone tear escaping my eye as I carried on the repetitive motion of brushing Damons forehead. "I will," I whispered, knowing he couldn't have seen my reply with his eyes closed.

He winced slightly as his temperature spiked once more. "This is even more painful than I thought."

"There's still hope!" I pleaded, hoping as much as possible that a cure for the incurable would be found yet no doctors were working for a cure, noone knew of a cure and it was doubtful how many hours were left. If a cure were ever to be found, it would probably be too late.

"There are a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve to die..." He whispered brokenly, slowly allowing the pain to drag him under as his eyes began to close, only stopping as I spoke again.

"No you don't!" I whispered, removing his head from my lap and moving to lie next to him, staring into his eyes as I spoke, hoping to convey my message yet he closed his eyes before my message could have been sent. I went to speak again, to point out the reasons why he should life, to tell him why he couldn't leave me yet he unknowingly cut me off.

"I do, Elena. But it's ok because if I'd have chosen differently I wouldn't have met you. I'm so sorry I've done so many things to hurt you..." He opened his eyes as he spoke, hoping to see forgiveness before it all ended.

"It's ok," I whispered, my voice cracking on each word. "I forgive you." I felt myself crumble, the tears welling up in my eyes.

"I know you love Stefan and that it will always be Stefan but I love you... You should know that." And with that I lost my hold on myself. The tears that had wobbled across my eyelids and blurred my vision fell quickly down my face leaving tear track to stain my cheeks.

"I do..." I whispered as a sob wrenched itself free fro my chest.

He smiled lightly to himself, his eyes slowly closing as he weakened, yet he kept his eyes open just enough to look into my eyes as he spoke. "You should have met me in 1860. You'd have liked me back then."

_I like you now,_ I wanted to say yet the words seemed so unflattering given the situation. I loved this man like no other yet I'd never told him before, and I knew that if I were to tell him now that it would break me once he died. However the words slipped out of me anyway. "I like you now," I'd whispered without noticing, watching as he opened his eyes a bit wider in shock, so I quickly covered my tracks. Telling him now that I liked him couldn't help either of us. "Just the way you are..." I trailed off. My words were those that a friend could speak and he knew it. The light dimmed in his eyes and he closed them, masking the pain of not only the bite but also the pain that I was releasing on him unintentionally.

I couldn't help myself anymore. I knew the pain that was to come if I were to persue the matter yet I had to show him something. There could be hours left in him, yet at the same time there could only be seconds. I leant forward and gentley placed my lips against his, noticing that he never once opened his eyes. I pulled away slightly, staring blankly at him, expecting a retort of some sort, or maybe the ghost of the smirk he wore so well yet neither came.

"Damon..." I whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. The only reply I got was him falling motionless against my arm, the only movement was that of the force I provided. "Damon?" I gasped, pushing myself off the bed, keeping a firm grasp on his shoulder. "Damon, wake up!" Desperation tangled into my words as the became louder and louder.

"No..." I whispered, pulling my hand away from him, stepping back from the bed. He didn't move. "You can't do this to me!" I shouted, bringing a hand to my face, feeling the wet trails of tears across my cheeks as they fell hard and fast from my eyes. "You can't leave me!" I cried, trying to take a step back yet all energy had drained from my limbs and I felt my feet fall from under me as my knees buckled. "You can't do this..." I screamed as I heard a shout from downstairs, quickly followed by footsteps racing up the stairs but the world had abandoned me. All I could see was the blank expression on his face as the last of the colour drained from it, leaving him an unnatural shade of grey.

People rushed into my line of sight, hands grasping at my shoulders and hands as nameless faces appeared in front of my face as their lips moved without making any sound. Only one sound filled the silence of the busy room, and that sound was the sound of a scream echoing from my mouth as I felt my heart shatter and my mind fracture. Then the world collapsed around me and darkness invaded my life.


End file.
